Most days you can find me chasing after my two little boys, listening to 80's music, or highlighting entire chapters of Brene Brown books. I’m new to the sport of running, and am currently training for a half marathon…which is a huge change from couch potato status last year! My friends know I have a sarcastic sense of humor. I love serving the world (the one directly around me, anyway) by sharing my journey of confidence in the middle of risk and loss--and encouraging women to be afraid…
…but to do it anyway.
I started out as a newborn photographer... and I loved it. I loved the babies, the new mamas, the "big" siblings, the tiny outfits and details that pass too quickly. My headshot was bright and airy, white, neutral clothing, clean. There's nothing wrong with that photo--a dear, talented photographer friend took it, and hey--I'm wearing makeup, my hair isn't frizzy. I'm not wearing a t-shirt that my children used as a napkin an hour prior. What's not to like? Well, this is what I wanted to portray: that I had it so together, I even matched my shirt to walls.
But it wasn't 100% authentic. My husband and I were fighting, counseling wasn't working, I was worn out from saying “yes” to everything, from being afraid of what others would think…
…from feeling like I was always thinking and doing the wrong thing.
I never felt sure of myself--even decisions like what to order at a restaurant were overwhelming. I wanted to photograph boudoir because I thought it was beautiful-- the shadows and light, the skin tones, the vulnerability of it appealed to me. But I thought it was crazy to have invested so much time and energy into newborn photography, to switch to something completely different.
But I started to change. I started to say no. I started to believe in myself--and realized I had a lot of shame from how I was raised—and that shame spilled over into my other relationships. Fear and shame had shaped many of my decisions. So often, girls are expected to be quiet and small. Women who aren't quiet and small seem to not have a place, whether in church, in the job market, or even at home--as daughters and as wives. But over time, we lose who we are, and even who I believe God intended us to be--made in his image--powerful, strong, loving, shameless individuals. Many of us have forgotten that over the years. We became wives and mothers and forgot that we are individuals first.
My 'why' is simply this: to help you find your beauty again. To step past fear and see yourself for the confident woman you were made to be.